In which I battle the voices in my head

This just plain sucks.

Last week I felt a twinge in my back, just under the left shoulder blade. I've had back spasms before and it wasn't a spasm because it wasn't totally debilitating. It was just one of those, "Hmm, that's interesting"-type things.

I was on the elliptical at the time, but I'm 99% sure it was unrelated as I wasn't using the upper-body portion of the machine.

Fast-forward all week. I'm Motrin-ig it up daily because the pain/muscle pull/whatever the hell it is migrated under my rib cage, now on the front. Without meds, it hurt to breathe, with OTC Motrin it was livable. I wasn't too concerned because I thought it was working its course and was going away. I could still run and walk without pain, so no harm, no foul.

Then, two days ago, it decided to head back around and basically cripple my mid-back, now straight across under both shoulder blades. I wake up stiff as a board. Now that's a back spasm.

This morning was supposed to be my first day back at bootcamp after missing a week due to my husband's work travel. Go figure, 5:30 am sitters are hard to come by.

Excited to get back to business, I set my clothes out last night only to wake up at 5 am stiff as a board.

I gently ease my way downstairs, pop two Motrin and sadly admit to myself I can't make bootcamp. Not only could I pretty much not do anything in the circuit, I could really hurt myself by even trying.

Retreat was the best option, but it has bugged me all day. I don't mind getting injured while doing something, but to just randomly get hurt through no fault of my own seems unfair.

Thanks to the Motrin and an Icy Hot patch, I felt better by 8:30 am, so after dropping my son off at school my youngest and I headed to a local park and we notched 3+ miles of walking. I had to do something.

The fact that I had a scheduled workout today and I could not make it was driving me crazy. My all-or-nothing personality was out in full force. You can't take a day off! You're supposed to work out today! You fail!

In the hour at the park I tried to talk myself down from the insanity. You are legitimately hurt. You would have hurt yourself more if you tried to go to bootcamp. You did not give up. You did not give in. You're pushing 50+ lbs of kid and stroller for an hour. Chill the *@&# out.

I think it's interesting that in a moment of weakness, all those negative voices are still right there, whispering the same crap in my ear as always. However, this time I just talked myself through the issue instead of giving in, beating up on myself and making bad choices.

Small progress, but progress nonetheless.